dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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