Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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