I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
