i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
