Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
