The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just gargled with NyQuil
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
