I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
