Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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