can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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