k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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