It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Text me some of your sweat
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