I wish I could punch you in the face.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
