HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize