you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
