Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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