maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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