You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
