ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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