i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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