i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
