youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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