Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
