i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
