Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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