Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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