he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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