dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
