yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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