Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
