I wish I could punch you in the face.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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