Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I love you. Go after that dick
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
