How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
