Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
now i know why i became what i already was.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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