The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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