fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
