So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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