"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
