my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
