you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
