I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
