I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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