i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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