just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
