Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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