how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
