i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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