Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
