I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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