I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
