The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
