If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
