I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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