What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Randomize
