We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
