somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
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