Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Bring me that man meat
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
