just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
