If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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