He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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