well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
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