I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We need to get me chipped asap
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
