I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The feeling are messing with the penis
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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