After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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