she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
