Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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