just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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