is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
