Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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