I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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