fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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