Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
