so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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