i don't like sucking hair
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
