i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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