i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
