My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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